I used to believe true faith meant not questioning God. I believed if I truly trusted God and had faith, I wouldn’t need to ask questions. If questions crept in, I would push them down and suppress them.
I’m not really sure why I felt this way, but most of the people I knew seemed to feel the same. No one asked difficult questions. Everyone looked at things the same way, and if anyone challenged that view they were looked at as lacking faith. I think part of me was afraid to ask the questions. What if God didn’t have an answer? What if the question led me to something that proved my belief system wrong or caused me to question my values? These all seemed like legitimate concerns and the thought of losing my faith was scary enough to keep me from asking.
My theology was very systematic. I had all of my beliefs neatly organized with no holes or gaps. Everything fit nicely and it was quite comfortable. The last thing I wanted was to dig and find out some of my beliefs weren’t well founded.
At some point things started to crumble. First questions came up about suffering. Then questions came up about predestination. Finally questions came up about the authority of the Bible. These were serious questions and the answers weren’t easy to resolve. But I was in crisis and I had to find the truth.
I prayed a very dangerous prayer. I asked God to show me the truth. I wanted to know what was true whether it lined up with what I believed or not. I layed what I believed down and let myself honestly ask questions. At first things started to crumble. My faith was at a point of crisis. Not my faith in God, but my faith in what I believed.
I asked hard questions. I asked everyone I could think of asking and got very few answers. It was as if I was the first person to ask these questions within my social circles. Eventually I found some of the answers while some of the questions remain to this day. What I did find was my faith. Not faith in what I believe, but faith in Christ. Faith in the fact that God is not intimidated by my questions.
Now I have more questions than answers most of the time, and I’m good with that. I keep asking and keep looking. I am not afraid of the questions. I know the questions will not shake God. I know the truth is not something to be afraid of, but something to be pursued. God is truth, so pursuing truth will only lead me closer to God. So don’t be afraid to ask and pursue truth diligently, you will only find God.